There are always five sides to a story: your side, their side, somewhere in between , the truth and what really happened.”
“Never forget there are two sides to every story.” How often have we heard that, they are sitting on the fence, we are Switzerland on the border so they don’t have to make a choice because they are not really that interested in knowing both sides only the one they have already heard and want to believe
Wouldn’t that be nice? I already know my side, so all I need to do is take the time to learn your side. Anyone else wanting to “pick a side” could simply look at both sides and make up their mind which side they believe.
Simple, until some old sage complicated matters when he expanded on this comment, “There are three sides to every story — yours, mine, and the truth somewhere in between.” and then again
There are always four sides to a story: your side, their side, the truth and what really happened.” — Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Three sides to every story. That makes sense. It’s the side we hardly ever see — the third side — the pure truth with no personal bias involved. Even though I have my side and you have yours, we often arrive at our position with partial information. We believe that we have all the information we need, but we really don’t see the entire picture. With a personal stance and bias to our side and lack of information, we head out to those people wanting to “pick a side” and share what we think is the truth (or perhaps what we want the truth to be).’
Well isn’t this starting to become more interesting, complicated and serious because the “truth” is starting to show itself and come out in various ways - the 3rd side of the story Your side isn’t all that accurate either because you’re probably missing some vital information - the “what really happened” information
How about the fourth side the crazy version that comes out of nowhere, that the information isn’t even close to the truth - its’ third - hand , they are bored and they want to discredit the truth so badly they create the best “story” their version of the story - the “ I don’t want to take sides but this is what he/she said”
What about the deliberate misinformation that has been shared with all of the above. The deliberate misinformation from the original player to then entangle the enablers in gossip because they don’t have all the facts.
These sort of players, lets call them Narcissists distort the truth through disinformation, oversimplifying, ridiculing and sowing doubt. Narcissists can be incredibly skilled at using classic elements of thought-control and brainwashing.
They are skilful manipulators, they know how to handle, control, and use people to their own ends. Unfortunately, most people never work out that they have been manipulated until it is far too late to do anything about it.
Enablers are those who support and protect these people in ways that make it easier for that person to continue their destructive habits.
An enabler witnesses this exchange and creates a false equivalence between you and the narcissist. They admit the narcissist did something wrong but also tell you and others that you aren’t much better
To an enabler, this approach is balanced. They assume they aren’t taking sides, and they congratulate themselves for being fair. The pollyanna’s that see the good in everyone.
They often pretend that a narcissist’s toxic behavior patterns are ordinary imperfections. In response to the narcissist’s dishonesty, manipulations, and malice, they say, “Nobody’s perfect. We all have flaws. We all make mistakes.”
The enablers make excuses for them - It can’t be of been that bad, I’ve never had a problem with them, I don’t think he/she has done anything wrong, what is wrong with you they are a really “nice” person - they worked really hard to provide a really “nice” life for you - like that is some get out of jail card for emotional abuse.
The enablers don’t understand that, or they don’t want to understand, they don’t call them out because they are more than happy to let them get away with it and their behaviour and have absolutely no consequences.
What they don’t realise is that being an enabler is keeping the narcissist in a place by system as they are not solo players - they are being kept in place by the enablers -hence enabling their bullshit!
These comments bring about self doubt and dumbs down emotional, mental and sometimes physical abuse.
So before you decide to add to your version of the story the 4th side, just remember the invalidation is gaslighting and you are challenging the reality of the truth and what really happened -which is the 5th side of the story.
From this Emotional /Mental abuse is still happening because the enablers are still enabling - this leads to more trauma
Working with mental health professionals, counsellors, Advocates can help you acknowledge this sort of abuse, rebuild your sense of self, learn how to develop self-compassion, and recognise what healthy relationships look like.
Practicing self-care and self-compassion is also an important tool in healing from an abusive relationship
Are you going to change your story and the way you tell them with TRUTH and WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ?
I suggest you should before you open your mouth ……
Some Sources : Clint Swindell and Dr Ramani Durvasula (Clinical Psychologist)
